Some moms are morons too, but for the purpose of this conversation, I want to talk about dads. It’s precisely because I feel so strongly that children need their fathers, that I am so upset and offended by dads who could best be referred to as “Uncle Dads”. In Alison Patton’s Huffington Post article The Uncle Dad Syndrome, she describes my ex pretty perfectly, minus the fact that he does not have shared custody. In fact, he sees his kids only whenever he chooses and when it is convenient for him. What struck me the most about this article was not the content itself (which was all dead on) but the flurry of comments berating the author for daring to suggest that some dads suck.
I understand that many fathers have joint or full custody and do a terrific job and that some seek that custody and are wrongfully denied it.
There are still a plethora of dads who opt for being the “Uncle Dad.” The fun guy. The one who acts like a buddy, makes every encounter an adventure and keeps himself the center of attention. This dad throws off schedules, shirks homework and other responsibilities, tends to be flaky and unreliable and not so subtly undermines the mother who is struggling to maintain order and enforce discipline. This dad only employs discipline when he feels personally offended, inconvenienced or something expensive breaks. In my case, this dad is on instagram more than his teens are and brags about himself and his fabulous life (most of which they are not a part of) incessantly.
I’m especially irked right now. My ex has my kids for the weekend and just sent me pictures of the 11 year old pretending to smoke a joint and the 13 year old holding a bottle of tequila and a shot glass. That’s his idea of funny (and a surefire way to get under my skin). Parenting two teenagers whose dad thinks “anything goes” is going to be a challenge, especially when he makes a point of scoffing at me for being an actual grown up parent. I’m too embarrassed on his behalf, even on an anonymous blog, to write the kinds of jokes that he thinks are appropriate to tell his kids. As my older son put it the other night, “daddy is funny and he knows how to make people like him but he’s not a very good dad.” That’s just sad to me.
How many of these dads are there out there? I don’t know and I don’t particularly care. This is my experience and I’m clearly not the only one, so I speak on behalf of and for the benefit of the children and directly to those Uncle Dads…please grow the fuck up, pronto!
